Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
