Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
White coat. Heels.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
