What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We need a shit load of segways right now
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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