Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Randomize
