is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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