Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
