marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
