just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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