I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the condom got lost in my hair
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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