It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
