Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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