If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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