I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
