Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
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