You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
