Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
