just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
