i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
