I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
