I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
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I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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