youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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