Can i not drive my cunt home
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
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She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize