You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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