Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
