Don't you send me to vm
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
