You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we're making bets on your personal life
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Randomize
