is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
