Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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