no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
