you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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