Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
