I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
