I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
