So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
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i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
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You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
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