it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
