Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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