I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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