i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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