Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
