Redeem this text for a blowjob
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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