If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
