Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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