I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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