We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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