Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize
