So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Even my vagina gasped.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
