I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
