She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
