good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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