There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
