who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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