i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
