Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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