...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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