YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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