I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
