Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
