Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
