i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
