My friends, they love my intelligence
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
