He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
