Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
