That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
