don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
