OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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