im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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