There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
