I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
