$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
