I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
