Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
