So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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