she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
