dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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