my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
