She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
