I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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