You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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