Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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