he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more Irish car bombs ever.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize