Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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